Confidently.

The last post I wrote, was after a good 10 minute sob sesh on our new couch we purchased this summer from an online retailer, Article. Love the couch! Hate that I cried on it. Not literally ON it, but you get the idea. While tears fueled that post and all the feels were bubbling at the top, I have put the tissue box back on the toilet tank for now.

One of the last things I wrote in my prior post was about confidence. Many people I know struggle with all things confidence-related. Having confidence. Gaining confidence. Keeping confidence. It is a great, empowering feeling to have, but, for me at least, it flickers in and out like loading a video on the good ol’ dial-up modem.

There are many benefits of having a spouse who works for a large company. With our moving “package” from IL to CA we were offered many “add-ons” that would come from what is essentially a moving slush fund. One thing I tried out last year was some career coaching.** Over the course of last year I had several phone calls and emails with a wonderful woman who really led me to explore myself, my interests, my passions. After every conversation we’d have, I would hang up riding a wave of confidence. I could do anything! 

At times it felt more like therapy than a “let’s find you a job” program. Which, I suppose, is good. At least it was good for me. I think career counseling can take on all sorts of forms and purposes. I’m sure some people have very clear goals and have had career experiences that are highly specific and specialized. The approach for them might be different. I’ll be honest and say all the career-related psychotherapy stuff (the surveys, inventories, personality tests) was not new to me because of some of my graduate degree coursework, but they were worth revisiting. INFJ, with slight E tendencies for life!

I wish I could tap into that confidence I felt last year, right now. Moving is haaaaaaaard on one’s confidence.

For some, confidence is a constant. They just don’t operate out of fear (like I think I do)? They have an inflated view of the value they can contribute and don’t get flustered by failure? They really are just kick-ass and amazing?

For me confidence and comfort are correlated. It is extremely difficult for me to be confident in an arena, situation, area where I am not comfortable. I don’t think I am alone in this. So since moving takes your comfort level and puts it into a blender with nuts, bolts, shells, and rocks, it is no wonder my confidence level is a little chunky right now.

Comfort also comes faster if you’re connected. I’m not really connected. I don’t have a regular job where I work with the same people. The H is gone at work a lot (which isn’t bad and I’m not trying to complain…it is just he has work peeps and friends, I do not). I volunteer once a week with a mentor program, but people are always coming and going from their own busy lives and when we’re there it is about the kids. We have friends. Good, solid friends. The old friends, I’m reconnecting with. And the newer friends…they are awesome, but they are newer friends. Ya hear me?

Connected, comfort, confidence.

** The career counselor I worked with was amazing, but was actually the second person I worked with in the program. The first made me feel terrible about myself and challenged me, but not in a good way. So if you are able to or seek out some sort of program, speak up if you do not connect with the person. They are there to challenge you, but also empower you! 

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